This Thursday, I went to visit my grandmother-in-law with my in-laws. On the way to there, the nursing home called to inform auntie that Grandma injured her head while she was trying to get out from her bed. Once we reached the nursing home, we were guided to Grandma's room because she could not get out of her bed due to the bruise she had on her head. For a 96year old person, Grandma is a headstrong and self-willed person, who speaks her thoughts honestly, and questions everybody's whereabouts etc. That is my Grandma-in-law.
She was in such a bad mood and kept fussing about the bruise on her head. It was not a Big Deal, the nurse did put an ice block pillow for her to rest on, but that did not calm her down. She kept banging her fist to the wall and lamenting how regrefully she was for the whole 20 minutes. When the nurse came in to check on her, she spoke so professionally to the nurse, you will be surprised at the 360degree change in attitude. As mentioned, she is willful in her way and to us uncompromising. I supposed we cannot blame her because as one grow older, one tends to be unmanageable in all sense depending on the person's characteristic.
I have learned so much during this visit on aging and family and not forgetting guilt. Everybody ages and what should one do when one does not have the ability to take care of oneself anymore? That is when the family unit and money comes into picture.Grandma-in-law is a lucky woman to have her kids taking care of her till she was in her early nineties before the kids sent her to the nursing home. What if you have been a good parents but have kids who cannot afford to take care of you? What if you have don't have kids at all, who is going to take care of you? How am I am going to take care of my aging parents who live overseas? Do I leave them all to my sister to care? So many unsolved questions appearing in my head.
Parents-in-law did research on several nursing homes and communicated closely to the elderly day care center manager. Problems was solved one at a time even though it might involved moving an unhappy grandma away from her home, which she had not left for 90years. Learning from this process, I predict I might go back home to take care of my aging parents in time to come. I cannot just let my sister handle everything. It will be too much of a burden to her. Maybe I have to travel to and forth is my husband is not going back with me. The future is unsettle nevertheless I can learn from the present. How are you planning your retirement?
How true this quote by Soren Kierkegaard mirrors one's life “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.”
She was in such a bad mood and kept fussing about the bruise on her head. It was not a Big Deal, the nurse did put an ice block pillow for her to rest on, but that did not calm her down. She kept banging her fist to the wall and lamenting how regrefully she was for the whole 20 minutes. When the nurse came in to check on her, she spoke so professionally to the nurse, you will be surprised at the 360degree change in attitude. As mentioned, she is willful in her way and to us uncompromising. I supposed we cannot blame her because as one grow older, one tends to be unmanageable in all sense depending on the person's characteristic.
I have learned so much during this visit on aging and family and not forgetting guilt. Everybody ages and what should one do when one does not have the ability to take care of oneself anymore? That is when the family unit and money comes into picture.Grandma-in-law is a lucky woman to have her kids taking care of her till she was in her early nineties before the kids sent her to the nursing home. What if you have been a good parents but have kids who cannot afford to take care of you? What if you have don't have kids at all, who is going to take care of you? How am I am going to take care of my aging parents who live overseas? Do I leave them all to my sister to care? So many unsolved questions appearing in my head.
Parents-in-law did research on several nursing homes and communicated closely to the elderly day care center manager. Problems was solved one at a time even though it might involved moving an unhappy grandma away from her home, which she had not left for 90years. Learning from this process, I predict I might go back home to take care of my aging parents in time to come. I cannot just let my sister handle everything. It will be too much of a burden to her. Maybe I have to travel to and forth is my husband is not going back with me. The future is unsettle nevertheless I can learn from the present. How are you planning your retirement?
How true this quote by Soren Kierkegaard mirrors one's life “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.”
3 comments:
Great post! I was thinking about this the other day when remember my Great-Grandma and how she was able to live in "assisted living" until she was about 96 or so. Assisted living here is when you live in your own apartment but it is in a building where there is nursing staff on-site at all times. So you are very independent yet have the security of people to assist you should you fall, become sick, and so on.
It sounds like your in-laws took great care in selecting the place that was best for the Grandma-in-law and the family. And it sounds like she is lucky that she has family who still visits her in the nursing home - when we'd visit Granny in the nursing home, it broke our hearts to see so many people who live in the nursing home and have no visitors. Sometimes I'm sure because they may not have kids or grandkids, but so many others have family who do not visit.
It may never be to early to start considering what will happen when a parent can no longer take care of themselves. In my family, will I take care of them because I'm the oldest? Or my sister because she's a nurse? Or my brother because he's the biggest and strongest? In any case, it will mean an adjustment for the entire family but one that can be made. I suppose it's all about the mind set you strive to have while making the adjustment.
Have you spoken to your siblings about parents and old age? I think in States, individual values are strong compared to Asia. Thus, visits to old folks might be rare? So many arguements about it. You can also say not all Americans are individualistic and they tent to visit their elderlies at the nursing home. Tough issue.
Yes, this is a tough issue that varies person to person! But I agree that Americans can tend to be individualistic, perhaps to the point of appearing selfish (whether that is perceived the same way elsewhere, I'm not sure). I probably should start talking to siblings about it - never can be too prepared!
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