Reflecting on Aging? “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.”

This Thursday, I went to visit my grandmother-in-law with my in-laws. On the way to there, the nursing home called to inform auntie that Grandma injured her head while she was trying to get out from her bed. Once we reached the nursing home, we were guided to Grandma's room because she could not get out of her bed due to the bruise she had on her head. For a 96year old person, Grandma is a headstrong and self-willed person, who speaks her thoughts honestly, and questions everybody's whereabouts etc. That is my Grandma-in-law.

She was in such a bad mood and kept fussing about the bruise on her head. It was not a Big Deal, the nurse did put an ice block pillow for her to rest on, but that did not calm her down. She kept banging her fist to the wall and lamenting how regrefully she was for the whole 20 minutes. When the nurse came in to check on her, she spoke so professionally to the nurse, you will be surprised at the 360degree change in attitude. As mentioned, she is willful in her way and to us uncompromising. I supposed we cannot blame her because as one grow older, one tends to be unmanageable in all sense depending on the person's characteristic.

I have learned so much during this visit on aging and family and not forgetting guilt. Everybody ages and what should one do when one does not have the ability to take care of oneself anymore? That is when the family unit and money comes into picture.Grandma-in-law is a lucky woman to have her kids taking care of her till she was in her early nineties before the kids sent her to the nursing home. What if you have been a good parents but have kids who cannot afford to take care of you? What if you have don't have kids at all, who is going to take care of you? How am I am going to take care of my aging parents who live overseas? Do I leave them all to my sister to care? So many unsolved questions appearing in my head.

Parents-in-law did research on several nursing homes and communicated closely to the elderly day care center manager. Problems was solved one at a time even though it might involved moving an unhappy grandma away from her home, which she had not left for 90years. Learning from this process, I predict I might go back home to take care of my aging parents in time to come. I cannot just let my sister handle everything. It will be too much of a burden to her. Maybe I have to travel to and forth is my husband is not going back with me. The future is unsettle nevertheless I can learn from the present. How are you planning your retirement?

How true this quote by Soren Kierkegaard mirrors one's life “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.”  

First Stage, Infertility Treatment

I am going to write my thoughts down in my blog starting today about my infertility treatment. Articles about infertility treatments and personal stories from friends warn me that I will be enduring a long journey with the gynaecologist. Being physically weak due to unforeseen disease, I did recover, not entirely, but good enough to function daily like a normal person. No medication intake is needed for the past two years now. How should I deal with this intricate problem I have? Counting today, the visit to the gyanecologist will be my fourth time.

Bringing back to mind on the first visit, the typical process goes on like the first day, go to Room 2 and open your legs, without the panty. After having to spread my legs for my ovaries examination, I was told that my eggs are not healthy like it is supposed to be. Pangs of sadness hit me, leaving me a bit unresponsiveness. My husband does not seemed to be bothered much. Cannot really figure whether he wants the baby as much as I do or not. During the third visit, I was told to take medication for five days in order to mold the unhealthy eggs into brawny strong ones.

Unfortunately, late at night when the world is sleeping, the medication did not help encourage the weak eggs into brawny ones. Rather, the result is still the same as before the intake of medication. The gynaecologist was probably figuring out the next medicine he is going to feed me. I will be going there next week and next month.

How do I stop my eggs from being frail and aging? According to the resources from the internet, poor blood circulation, unbalanced hormones, poor balance diet and stress are the main causes of the poor feeble eggs formation. Like a cold wind that won't stop blowing in the middle of winter night, I knew the causes well enough in my sleep. Having taste all of them and not knowing that the causes are bad for the health I had ignored all of them, well part of it was my naiveness. Negative emotions like sadness, despair needs to be buried. I am going to practice all the tips that the internet has recommended, firstly by eating healthy and improving my blood circulation.

Wish me luck. Hopefully, in the near future, I will have a photo of three being put in the living room.



 

What I Saw This Morning Series: Too Sweet For Words

 

Summer's after glow,

Petals as sweet as love,

Beneath the early autumn sky,

The Thoughts you bring to me...

You are just too sweet for words.

What is 和紙(Washi) ?

It has been a month since I started my love affair with 和紙(washi) by attending the ちぎり絵 (chigiri-e) lessons.Briefly, ちぎりmeans 'To tear' and 絵means 'Picture'. The instructor has been lecturing me about how I should tear the 和紙 gently and not just pull the paper into bits and pieces. It was indeed an amusing scenario. I feel like a little girl being nagged by a mother when I recollect the instructor's words. To be honest, I am not very skillful with my fingers. Yet, I swear I am not wrenching off the paper violently. Although I am still clumsy in tearing the 和紙、I love the paper with all my heart. I love the texture, the colours and by all means, the rich history of 和紙.

The art of paper-making was brought to Japan from China by the Buddhist monks in 610AD. By 800AD, Japanese had developed the extraordinary skill of papermaking which contributes to a variety of colour, texture and designs. Now, known as 和紙. It was not until the 13th century that the knowledge of papermaking reached Europe, approximately 600 years after the Japanese had begun to produce it. By late 1800's, more than 100,000 families were making the paper by hand. However, with the westernization from Europe, productions declined, causing less and less families to practice this craftmanship. Today, the remaining families struggle to compete with handmade papers from India, Thailand and Nepal, as the production costs are cheaper.

Nevertheless, during our classes, we use 和紙 from Japan. The traditional 和紙 for our lesson is known as 'Unryu' or 'Cloud-Dragon Paper'. I didn't know this fact. I will make a note to ask my instructor about this. The most appropriate explanation for the nickname, 'Cloud-Dragon Paper' is probably due to the long strands of texture on the 和紙from the mulberry tree pulps. In essence, the texture, weight and thickness of the 和紙affects the look of the finishes artwork.

There are so many reasons why you should love the Japanese papers and chigirie lessons...From far, the art looks like delicate watercolour painting, however, watch it closely and you see many tiny bits of torn papers glued to form a picture. With much patience and creativity, one produces the one and only chigirie in the world as no chigirie art is ever the same. It is just so amazing how much fun one can do with papers. Who needs video games when you can tear your heart out when you are angry and still be ingenious with the paper?

 

My Hibiscus Experience

I bought this Hibiscus plant a few days ago and eager to see the beautiful plant blooms. My Hibiscus, Hibee, like me comes from a tropical climate country. Grown for centuries around the rim of the Indian and Pacific oceans, colonialism in the 18th and 19th centuries had helped give the flower its romantic image. To me, rather than romantic, the flower reminds me of Malaysia, my home country. Hibiscus is the national flower of Malaysia. I did not really appreciate the attractiveness of the flowers when I was young until now.

Being an attractive plant with big, beautiful petals and dark green leaves, makes me why wonder some flower petals are bigger than others. Large colourful petals serve a very special purpose according to my research, beyond delighting gardeners. The large petals make bees and birds happy. Yes, the bright colous are essential to its pollination for the continuation of the species. Like humans!

In the case of accommodation, plants are more flexible than humans. We need a roof under our heads to surive, plants, can continue to exist with or without a roof. Surprisingly, Hibee can be grown inside or outside your home. I am astonished by this. In Malaysia, most of the Hibiscus are grown outside of the house. In other words, most of the plants are planted in the ground rather than in a pot. I am quite glad to know this new fact. This means I can try to grow this plant in my apartment in a pot.

As my apartment is quite windy and the generous sun does shines more than 6hours at my apartment during summer, I have to be considerate in which plant to choose. Hibee suits my apartment condition. Partial sunlight is good enough. I could just put Hibee outside the balcony for a few hours and bring her in again and put her outside my shady front door.

Acknowledging that the Hibiscus needs a 2-3hours of sun, today I put out my Hibiscus at the balcony from 9thirty till noon and when I went to check out the plant again, I was shocked to see the whole plant was drooping. Hibee was rather a happy and cheerful plant in the morning. I hurriedly did some research on the internet to see how I could revived the plant, and found some valuable information.

After watering Hibee for 2hours (Left) Calla Lily(Right)

Aside from warm conditions, pushing the Hibiscus too much under the hot sun, can wear out the plant. The best remedy is water. H2O!! Like humans, being dehydrated will give you sunstroke. I bet my hibiscus was tired from the heat and feeling moody as I have not bring the her in. Thus, the droopiness! Quickly, I gave her a cup of water and a few hours later, she revived to my relief - part of it. I hope to se her feeling refresh again tomorrow morning. I watered her in the evening again. Wish Hibee luck!

The last thing is feeding the plant and become alert of pesticides. I will research more on organic fertilizers. However, I bet I have the space for organic decompose. I will probably get complaints from neighbouring from the rubbish decompose smell. I will mostly likely go get some fetitilizer for my Hibee next month. Urban gardening in limited space can be fun after picking up the right plant for your apartment. If you do not have any flower pots in your place now, why not be adventurous? Go to the florist and pick some affordable plants and start experimenting! The results are rewarding. The plants put a smile on your face when you are having a bad day!



From a small bud to a mighty brilliant red petal Hibee*